By Dale St. Marthe
1. Damn. Another Kendrick Piece!
When you look at your checking account after a long weekend of bad decisions. pic.twitter.com/0oENDF1ltV
— Chile Limon (@TGTheTruth) April 11, 2017
Look, I know I been talking about Kendrick a whole lot lately, but the man is taking over.
Oh, and on the low, I’m mad at Kendrick for saying he’s going to release the album on April 7th, hyping us all up and shit, only to release just an album cover and tracklist on that day. It’s cool though, he released the full album this week, and it’s fire. The first song played and off the drop I ironically was like “DAMN!”
In anticipation for the album, Black Twitter started meme-ing the album art featuring Kendrick in front of a brick wall looking like his mom is shouting at him. We all know that feeling of messing up so bad that all you can do is say “damn.” Like when you try to flex for the gram buy buying that expensive outfit, but now you’re looking at your checking account like “Damn, I’m really a dumbass.” In Kendrick Lamar’s case, the Meme’s started more of a reaction to the backlash he took from his “conscious lyrics” that in my opinion went over people’s head. But hey, can’t never please all the people all the time.
2. United Airlines Gives Ass Whippin’
— Ponce De’Leioun (@PonceDeLeioun) April 11, 2017
In this week’s episode of Companies Completely Ruining Their Reputation And Showing Their True White Power Structure: United Airlines doesn’t care about its customers.
This week a video surfaced of an Asian Man named David Dao being dragged out of a plane. Evidently it was overbooked and someone “randomly” had to be “volunteered” out to make way for employees. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, an Urban Chameleon would have seen that bull coming from a mile away. Their spidey-senses would have started tickling as soon as that employee locked eyes with them. There is no such thing as “random” targeting or “volunteering” when it comes to white authority.
I love this meme especially because it implies that you have an option to get an asswhooping. And you can actually say NO and have it work. Hilarious.
3. Some Journalist Love Reaching
me: *is guillotined in a whole foods*
cnn: Man Beheaded In Grains Section Has Dark Past Of Illegally Downloading T-Pain Songs In 2007
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) April 11, 2017
I feel this tweet on a deep level.
Being guillotined in a Whole Foods is such an obscure injustice, it adds to how irrelevant downloading songs illegally are. Lowkey, I’m always scared that if I’m on the come up with my career, the feds would just arrest me for those Lil Wayne albums I downloaded long time ago. I was not missing Tha Carter IV in 2011.
Of course, you wouldn’t get guillotined in real life, but barbaric injustice happens all the time to people of color especially. Journalists are always reaching to justify the wrong done to someone by digging up the past. It’s real petty if you think about it. Imagine confronting a reporter about it:
Me: “Hey that hillbilly over there just slashed me with a sickle.”
Journalist: “Really? Well…I have reports you illegally downloaded Lollipop by Lil Wayne 9 years ago so…”
Me: “M’am I’m going to get Tetanus if you don’t stop with the bs.”
This Tweet happened amidst the United Airlines situation, with the Asian man being dragged out the plane. Now I been said that if a security guard tried to drag me out like that, they wouldn’t need to dig up any dirt on me. But seriously, whatever someone has done in the past doesn’t matter in the instance they are being treated inappropriately. How did that employee know of his past wrongs? He doesn’t that’s the gag.
— hemdi (@heyitshemdi) April 7, 2017
Yo. I’m shook like it’s an earthquake.
This hashtag was born in the wake of Trump Launching missiles at Syria. They were chemical missiles called “Tomahawks,” which is ironic because of the history we have with Native Americans (Tomahawks being a Native American axe) and because of the protest of the Dakota Access Pipeline a few months ago, and now we are using them to hurt other countries, but I digress.
You know Black people are always down to party though, so much so that when WWIII happens we are all gonna go to the border of Canada and throw a party there. Big bottles poppin, the bass booming and everyone swangin, while bombshells make fireworks in the night sky. I’m with it even metaphorically.
Just know when the draft calls me in for a physical; I might pull a Malcolm X. I might just act crazy on purpose, because I didn’t want this! The Trump supporters should all be automatically drafted. We warned them about Trumps volatility.
5. Ludacris And His Fake Abs
so……. ludacris is just gonna CGI himself with abs using sega dreamcast graphics ??? it’s rough out here. pic.twitter.com/BnAettIvd3
— Ahmed/Rozay Top 5 (@big_business_) April 10, 2017
Wow he must have a ludicrous exercise regimen. I know that was such an easy joke but I HAD to!
Ludacris released a new music video for his song Vitamin D. In the music video, right at the beginning, he appears with his shirt open and his chest showing. But it’s not his chest if you have decent eyesight. If you look closely, you’ll see that the man has no nipples. It’s an astonishing revelation when you notice it really; you might yell “HE AIN’T GOT NO NIIPPLLLLESS!” like Kevin Hart.
And also, it looks like he contoured his abs. If this wasn’t CGI, that would be the new wave. Just contour on some abs for the summer and you’re beach ready. Obviously this is some sort of satirical move by Ludacris. Why did he do this though? Well he’s done things like this before, and other hip-hop artist as well. In his song Get Back he has huge CGI arms, and Missy Elliot is also known for weird distortions and props in her music videos. It’s just in this instance; it caught everybody off guard because not many other artists are doing CGI distortions in their videos currently.
6. Black Panther Hype!
Y’all gon hate black twitter when this comes out. My soul is ready. pic.twitter.com/78ubQ8gQbH
— Aha. (@ahagazelle) April 11, 2017
You know what I love? How Black people have been supporting Black movies so actively this past year.
We got Hidden Figures, Moonlight, Get out, all winning awards and breaking records. That might be because Tyler Perry ain’t making bad movies anymore. Ooohh…yup I said it. That’s just my opinion though. But seriously, this is great. A Black protagonist with a Black cast, and it’s an action movie at that! And Black Panther got them gold chains on so you know he’s real.
This movie will also have some heavy hitters. We got Michael B Jordon on it, we got Lupita Nyong’o and Angela Basset on it. We got Daniel frickin’ Kaluuya, the main character from Get Out on this joint. This ain’t no depressing slave movie, this ain’t no “niggas in the hood” movie, this is a cast of powerful Black actors bringing an awesome Black superhero to life. If you’re an Urban Chameleon who is as nerdy as I am, you better get your ass out of work and come support this movie when it comes out. Tell Mark from management you was sick.
— MaryAnn A. (@callmeminxiemay) April 13, 2017
After Bannon got fired a few weeks ago, Trump was asked about his performance in an interview. In traditional “I never lose because I’m a narcissist” fashion Trump claimed he “didn’t know Steve” his chief strategist and that he was not really active in the executive meetings they had.
What followed was this hashtag #roastbannon because that’s basically what Trump did. I love this tweet in particular because legit people forget that the majority of white people aren’t really that pleasant to look at. With white features being forced upon us as a beauty standard by the media, it’s important that everyone get this reminder that some of them be looking like naked mole rats.
Now of course physical appearance is always a touchy subject, but look, roasting and getting roasted is an essential part of an Urban Chameleons life. When you’re with your friends and they catch you straying a little too far away from your roots, they’ll roast you mercilessly, or if you’re just ashy. They would be like “Why yo elbows look like that? You can’t afford lotion? I know you struggling’ but just hit me up if you need a dab of Vaseline for them dried prunes on your arms.”
I can’t end this without roasting him myself. He looks like an elderly Squidward off of Spongebob.
does THIS look UNSURE to you? pic.twitter.com/J4C7XpNS6d
— Spongebob Moments (@Spongeboblols) March 10, 2017
You can’t tell me there isn’t a resemblance. “Does this look unsure to you” headass!
8. What In Caucasity?
Thoughts on the feather brow?? 💭💭 not for me pic.twitter.com/PLRGJToTNd
— tina sanger (@smileys_tina) April 13, 2017
— OLIVIA FOX RADIO (@Oliviafoxradio) April 13, 2017
I swear white women are desperately trying to find something new and innovative for their fashion blogs.
When they aren’t stealing things Black women have been doing for generations and calling it “new” and “trendy” they are doing bizarre stuff like this. You know what those eyebrows look like? They look like centipedes and not in a good way. Aren’t bushy eyebrows a bad thing to white people? I don’t know much about fashion but I know Black women have been killing the game and this stuff right here is a travesty.
Best believe when Black Twitter saw this late Thursday, the first thing they started saying was “look at this white nonsense.” How about we stop shaming Black women for their bold and sensible fashion choices, stop stealing them as well, and stop making up crazy fashion trends to fill the void that black women have already filled.