Millions of Americans took to the supermarkets to stock up on emergency provisions earlier last week, but no one more fervently than Representative Steve King of Iowa who battens down ahead of race war. Although unlike his east coast counterparts who were making preparations ahead of Snowstorm Stella, Congressman King was battening down the hatches for an entirely different reason: the impending race war between blacks and hispanics. News of the war first broke on Monday while King was speaking on air to Iowa radio host Jan Mickelson. When asked to comment on a statement made by TV anchor Jorge Ramos about whites becoming the American majority-minority by 2044, King said:
“I will predict that Hispanics and the blacks will be fighting each other before that happens,”
When Mickelson asked King to substantiate his claims, King replied, “I’m pretty sure there’s a passage about it in the Bible. Look it up.”
King refused to comment further on the specifics of the the racial showdown, or “browndown” as he affectionately called it. However he did direct listeners to his websites where he’d posted a series of self-drawn images depicting how he believes the violent clash will play out:
King’s prediction of a black-on-hispanic race war is just one of many in a long line of blatantly racist conspiracy theories put forward by the Congressman. Other crackpot claims he’s peddled over the years include allegations of President Obama’s non-citizenship, that Clinton aide Huma Abedin has ties to the Muslim Brotherhood, and that no other ‘subgroup’ of people have contributed more to civilization than white people.
Just hours after making his incendiary race war prediction, King was spotted at his local Kroger stockpiling multiple shopping carts with canned lentils and what one passerby described as “an obscene amount of toilet tissue.”
Later that night, the Congressman took to Twitter to detail his plan for survival:
No one has heard from the Congressman since–much to the delight of Republicans and Democrats alike. In fact, for many in Washington, Congressman King’s sudden retreat into hiding marks the first bipartisan milestone of the tumultuous Trump presidency.
“A welcome surprise!” is how Senator John McCain described the news.
“Yaaaaaasssss!” was Senator Elizabeth Warren’s immediate response.
Also weighing in was Senator Marco Rubio who told the hosts of MSNBC’s Morning Joe: “Steve is like that friend who gets waaaaay too drunk at parties. You never know what he’s going to say or do to embarrass you. It’s anxiety-inducing. And I can’t even begin to describe how relieved I am now that he’s gone. Steve, if you’re listening, please don’t come back dude. Like…ever.”