By Dale St. Marthe
— Snoop Dogg (@SnoopDogg) April 20, 2017
I searched SPECIFICALLY for this pic of Obama, and low and behold Snoop Dog the weed lord posted it. Of course it’s photoshopped I think, but old Barry got high in college fyi. He got high in life also so, if they ever tell you only degenerate hoodlums smoke weed then Obama, as well as every white kid in college, should be classified as such.
Don’t front though, Urban Chameleons be getting high sometimes. Even if it’s just on 4/20, I see all the people who post “Rise and grind” and “work selfie” on Snapchat posting pictures of big blunts like they’re used to it. Weed is ingrained in Hip-Hop culture, and subsequently Black culture. Frickin Bob Marley smoked all the time. Hey, but let’s not forget all the Black people locked up for weed charges, and the white people who get away with it.
happy 4/20! the government profits off of the outrageous number of black and brown people who are incarcerated for the ‘war on drugs’
— sydnie (@Sydtierra) April 20, 2017
Love the sarcasm on the “happy 4/20.” Real talk though; wouldn’t it have been awesome to smoke a bowl with Obama? He’d be like “Man, I feel higher than a Bald Eagle. Feel like the President up in this peice!”
2. Bill O’Reilly Fired…FINALLY!
Lmao they fired Bill O’Reilly while he was on vacation pic.twitter.com/mjzdOYyDad
— Christopher (@TCSterlz) April 19, 2017
One-by-one they fall. Tomi Lahren, Steve Bannon, Bill O’Reilly, like pigeon dropping they descend onto the hot pavement of justice.
The evil has been vanquished. For as long as I remember, I’ve always been disgusted by Bill O’Reilly. I couldn’t believe he was on TV. Whenever he would debate with someone, he would use these bullying tactics, that to anyone less perceptive he would seem to be a smart person who’s dominating the argument. And by “less perceptive” I mean white confederate flag toting hillbillies. His rhetoric was always white-centric, and he would always slip little micro aggressions in his arguments. I guess that’s why they are called “micro”-aggressions…they’re pretty obvious to people of color though.
For example, one time he said to Marc Lamont Hill, a Black professor, that he looked like a cocaine dealer. Good thing Mr. Hill was quick with the clapback , he said that Bill looks like he does cocaine on the regular. I could tell Marc is an Urban Chameleon by the way he came at O’reilly with the quickness. He had that “you don’t want to mess with me” face and O’reilly was shook.
In the laundry list of reasons Bill O’Reilly should have been fired already, he’s being fired for a number of sexual harassment allegations. One point of evidence stands out to me, he allegedly approached a Black woman who worked near him and called her “hot chocolate,” and started making grunting noises. Are you serious, hot chocolate? We just went over this like last week. Not only is that the lamest thing anybody could ever say, like he’s really a bum for saying that, but what made him think that it was an appropriate thing to say? It’s that white privilege I tell ya. He gon’ have a long ass vacation. Better enjoy it because I don’t think anyone reputable will hire his bulldog looking self.
3. Don Cheadle is With the Culture
the way Don Cheadle swaggers in that DNA video is exactly how I listen to music in my basement pic.twitter.com/Tr4MuCq4nJ
— tkdwn. (@tkdwnbeats) April 18, 2017
I know, I know, another Kendrick piece but this is the last one I swear! When Black Twitter stops talking about him, I will as well. And besides, this is not really about Kendrick per say.
I just love the fact that Kendrick got Don Cheadle on his music video for his song DNA. This is the man from Hotel Rwanda, and he also made an appearance on Rush Hour 2. He got him to dance like a real Urban Chameleon, that sort of aggressive end-of-the-day dance you do to your favorite bump, just to relive the stress of being your second self the whole day.
And Don Cheadle is kinda old now, not saying that if you’re old you can’t bump to new songs like nobodies watching. But that man was all over the room like some sort of ninja. Oh, and speaking about being all over the room like a ninja, the reason Kendrick got Don Cheadle on this video, is because in Rush Hour 2 Don played someone named “Kung Fu Kenny,” which happens to be one of Kendrick’s nicknames/characters. That’s why Kendrick is wearing a Tai-Chi uniform in this vid. Also, because Kendrick kicks ass.
4. Queen Serena Williams
*Serena Williams dates 35 black dudes* Black dudes: “She’s a man” *Serena marries white dude* Black dudes: “Our Nubian queen betrayed us”
— IT’S KEENEN! (@KBTM30) December 29, 2016
Not only did she marry Reddit founder and resident white man Alexis Ohanian, but on Wednesday she revealed that she was 20 weeks pregnant on snapchat.
Now, this is a convoluted knot to untie here. Are Black men justified in their irritation? It’s no secret that when guys get together, they talk about women sometimes, just like women do so no harm there. Serena Williams is a hot topic amongst Black straight males, and there is no middle ground. There are the brothas that realize that her sculpted physique does not subtract from her femininity. And there are the coons who are scared of her. Yes I called them COONS, because Drake never had a problem with it as you can see by this gif.
Look how hard he’s smiling at her, like she was Rihanna.
But as this new information has been presented, a new group arrives, the “hoteps.” They are saying that she’s betrayed the Black race for marrying Alexis Ohanian. Obviously, that’s an idiotic thing to say, because she has the right to choose whoever she wants to marry, and a person’s love is not restricted to their own race. However, I mean let’s just think about it…Serena embodies Black excellence. She’s the greatest athlete ever. She has an undisputed tennis record, and she won the Australian Open pregnant. With all that Black excellence she chose to marry a white guy…like there wasn’t one cool Black guy? Not even Drake? Alright, alright I might be acting a little ignorant here. I never liked that “African purity” concept. So, more power to her.
Go on ahead, do you girl!
5. Cash Me NOT Watching The Ellen Show Howbow Dah
Cash me ousside nugget boy, howbow dah? pic.twitter.com/4vDRnAoNYu
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) April 18, 2017
— Rami (@ramigh) April 18, 2017
Ellen…if you don’t stop!
She’s done it again. She has rewarded another mediocre white kid with free stuff and airtime. She gave this kid a year’s supply of Ellen brand underwear, and a new TV. What did this kid do to deserve all this fabulous stuff? I mean I would do a lot for a year’s supply of underwear. Apparently he tweeted Wendy’s twitter asking for free nuggets, which they replied that he needed to get 18 million retweets on his request in order for them to do that.
HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS pic.twitter.com/4SrfHmEMo3
— Carter Wilkerson (@carterjwm) April 6, 2017
Bruh, I know that this got popular, but that’s because Ellen asked everyone to retweet it. Otherwise, what’s the real appeal here?
And why did she use the “Cash me Ousside” meme? The white girl who coined that phrase did so while disrespecting her mother, and only got popular because she’s white acting like a “hood” Black girl on the Dr. Phil show. What’s the aim here Ellen. We got a white girl tryna act Black, and we got…some nuggets. There are some really hardworking Black young comedians on the internet, who have shaped internet humor and social media. To name a few: Kenny Knox, Khadi Don, Victor Pope Jr, Jay Versace and Nicholas Fraser amongst a wealth of legitimately funny internet personalities. I mean, y’all must have heard of “Why you always lyin”
An iconic bop you might recite when someone is being two-faced. No white internet personality has done more for internet culture than this man right here. Like Ellen needs to sign this man to her label, and maybe give him a lifetime supply of button-up shirts to flaunt.
6. Draymond Green Intensely Talking to Kevin Durant Meme
“Keep acting up if you want to ill whoop yo ass infront of these white folks” pic.twitter.com/bPYdlQmM8S
— Demetrius Harmon (@meechonmars) April 18, 2017
If I were to pick the official Black Twitter meme for April, it would be this one. Specifically, the gif of basketball players Draymond Green talking to Kevin Durant like he’s tryna hype him up, or scold him. Depends how you look at it.
This one right here is extremely relatable. Urban Chameleon parents don’t give a single fuck when it comes to embarrassing you in public. And it happens so often, because their always urging you to calm down around white folks, so you don’t look too “ghetto.” Then they get all in your face like Draymond Green in this tweet, and it’s an uncomfortable ordeal for everyone involved, because the white people already lookin at your getting your face smooshed in by your mom and your like “What was the point of trying to make this go unnoticed?”
7. Ever Seen a White Native American?
— Vinny Guadagnino (@VINNYGUADAGNINO) April 15, 2017
Coachella, or Chella as the yuppies say it, brings together young people from all over the world, and older people who want to feel young, to witness live performances from today’s hottest artist.
Now one trend I see is this odd fascination with Native American culture, specifically, white people putting on headdresses and skimpy versions of traditional Native American clothing. Listen here white people, it looks bad. I’m not just talking about you, because you look like you have no creativity, but it also makes you look like an appropriating racist. You’ll see more white people appropriating Native American culture for fun at Coachella, than actual Native Americans.
Y’all need to take a page out of Rihanna’s style book.
Rihanna had the best outfit at Coachella and didn’t have to appropriate pic.twitter.com/NhnkxoGteL
— NANA JIBRIL 🌙🏳️🌈 (@girlswithtoys) April 18, 2017
Just…uhh…bathe in some glitter and buy some freaky sunglasses. The point is, just because you don’t have any culture doesn’t mean you should appropriate another culture for the aesthetic. And one more thing, when Migos or Future are on stage sayin “nigga” I BETTER NOT HEAR ONE WHITE PERSON IN THE CROWD SAY IT OR IM WHILIN OUT.
8. Kardashian Clones
Doctors really only know how to make one face. https://t.co/9rDylbqft6
— Groot (@INeedja_Kadeeja) April 18, 2017
Back home pic.twitter.com/IXwqVAgRHy
— Larsa Pippen (@larsapippen) April 1, 2017
I’ve been saying this!
Go on Instagram right now; search for like any Instagram model and you’ll see that they all look extremely similar. They all have this weird tan color, they all have the same contour, and the same pumped-up lips like Kim Kardashian. Some of these models don’t even have it natural like that, they get their mouths and faces touched up by surgeons to look like Kim Kardashian.
I just…I don’t know. To me Kim Kardashian is not the most beautiful woman ever. But to see how so many women want to look like her, mostly White girls tanning themselves this ambiguous brown color with added contour, it’s like have you seen any other woman ever? Is it because Kim K is poppin on Instagram? I swear ladies, she’s not the pinnacle, and beauty is subjective anyway.
I wonder if these Kim K Klones see each other at parties and are like ”Oh my God… she’s wearing the same face I am!”