What’s Tickling Us This Week; Ellen DeGeneres, Pepsi, White Privilege and a Played Park Superintendent

By Dale St. Marthe

1. Chief Strategist Steve Bannon Gets Fired! BOOM!


Steve Bannon who was plannin on bannin angers man-in charge, and gets fired from cannon.

The last part isn’t true. He didn’t get fired from a cannon. But peep the Dr. Sues flow though. He is however getting slammed on twitter because honestly he had it coming, the man was one of the main people behind that Muslim travel ban that happened about a month ago. Steve Bannon was also a founding member of Brietbart news, a far-right news and commentary website, and was adamantly anti-immigration and anti-left. Many of his ideas overlapped with Trumps, except Bannon had a different global economy plan for America’s future that didn’t mesh well with Trump’s corporate powerhouse plans. Reportedly, he was also absent at a few key meetings, and on Wednesday he received the boot. Hopefully Trump will fire his entire board one by one, and then the House, and then maybe himself, who knows! Regardless, nothing sums up my feelings about this moment better than rapper Cam’ron’s expression in the tweet. 

2. Yea I got ya’ club soda right here Ellen…


What in the hell is that on that couch…ink, toner? I don’t know because I’m Black, and as a Black person I’ve never seen anything like this growing up. This is where cultural differences come into play. Ellen DeGeneres posted this photo of her daughter amidst some sort of dark substance that looks hard to clean, and Black Twitter wasn’t having it.
What my mother would have done?
Oh HELL no. What MY MOTHER would have done if I spilled anything on her vintage couch, which was a dark color by the way, would be to grab the nearest object not attached to the wall and hit me upside the head with it. Shoes, belts, a bottle of lotion, pots, pans it don’t matter. And when my father would get home, he’d re-whoop my ass with any one of those same objects.
Don’t come at me with that “beating your kids does x,y and z and it’s very bad”…nah. The kids who don’t get beat end up cursing their parents out in public. I know as an Urban Chameleon; disciplining your child in such a way in order for them to behave in stringent circumstances is effective. You bettah now how to act in any kind of circumstance. Of course, don’t abuse your kids…an reasonable ass beating parents know the difference.
If this child turns out a mess in the future, we can all go back to this moment and know why.

3. A Pepsi ad so bad it might as well be a Coke ad.


Picture this, a rich skinny white girl doing a photoshoot sees some sort of ambiguous peace rally outside and decides to hand the cops blocking the procession a Pepsi for some reason. The cop gives a “oh well I guess I like soda” look and the crowd cheers. That was the ad that Pepsi decided to release on April 4th. They completely missed the real point of contention out here in these injustice streets. The Police target people of color, not young, rich white women with modeling careers whose entire family is famous for a reason no one can quite pinpoint. The fact that she was able to walk up to the cop in the first place is ironic on Pepsi’s part, because nobody of color in the crowd could do the same.


I thought Kendall Jenner was supposed to be the smart Kardashian?
Actually, no, I thought Pepsi had smart employees for such a large company. Where the hell were the people of  color in the ad meeting? If they had hired at least one Urban Chameleon, I could imagine them looking at the ad and saying “But what has Ms. Jenner done for Black Lives Matter? What have WE [Pepsi] done for Black Lives Matter?”
Ad company’s stay trying to pivot social Black issues for their agenda.  
What’s even more messed up is that ad actually mimics the image of Leshia Evans; a Black woman who calmly approached a line of officers during the protest of Alton Sterling’s shooting. Even if Kendall Jenner was walking towards that officer hand in hand with everyone else, the bravery and symbolism behind Leshia’s solemn step up contains more gravity. Leshia Evans got arrested just for walking up, and Kendall got applause for bringing a sugary drink with her. Huh?


Smh, Leshia handed them her body not a Pepsi! Fortunately, Black Twitter was able to get the ad pulled.
Watch the ad here.

4. #MaskOffChallenge


The first thing people notice when they listen to Future’s song “Mask Off” is the flute carrying the melody.
Produced by Metro Boomin, the flute turned the song into arguably the best track on Future’s self-titled album. So, no wonder when the Urban Chameleons on Black Twitter heard it, they started remixing it with other instruments. If you’re a band kid like I was, or just appreciate music, this hashtag has so many talented Black musicians remixing it. Combing “proper” orchestral music with hip-hop #UrbanChameleonMoment
This violin player is especially talented. Her remix sounds like a lit renaissance banquet. Play this at your next business party and say the composer was “Metropolis Boomingham.” Nobody could tell you otherwise.

5. Rachel’s New Mixtape is FIRE!

One thing Black Twitter loves doing is clowning on anybody deserving of it. This user does it by changing the title of Kanye’s album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy to fit her more appropriately with just My Beautiful Dark Skinned Fantasy. Rachel Dolezal is no stranger to publicity, or getting clowned on. Her inability to answer the question “Are you African American?” a long time ago had people scrunching their faces in confusion. Now she has a new book. A memoir actually, called In Full Color: Finding My Place in a Black and White World. You know what? I give Props to her for being so incessant on here views. It’s the same kind of props you would give to a kid for a really bad drawing they were trying to give you, but either way I hope she can see the light, or the dark that’s not on her skin.

6. We Need More People Like This Principle!

PRINCIPAL: “Hey Terrel! Don’t worry you’re not in trouble, I’m not here to pester you about your personal life and then get mad at you when you react negatively.”
STUDENT: “Ight…so what you want?”
PRINCIPAL: “…Where can I cop them jeans?”
Imagine going shopping with your principle. I’d imagine it was a mixed sort of feeling for these boys. On one hand it’s going to look a little weird to your bros. They’re going to be like “So you a teacher’s pet now? Wooooowww. Ok then don’t let me catch you snitchin on any of us.” But deep down you’re happy that this authority figure is actually trying to connect with you, instead of inciting fear.
You have to admit he looks clean as hell in those jeans. I’m ‘bout to buy ME some.

7. The Look When You Have When Your President Tries To Play You – “Really nigga?”


Trump gave this park ranger, Harpers Ferry National Historical Park Superintendent Tyrone Brandyburg, a small sum of $77,333 as part of his pledge to donate his entire presidential salary to charity. The catch? This money comes after Trump promised to cut at least 31% of the funding from this dude’s Environmental Protection Agency, which means this check is really only a small fraction compared to what the Park Service stands to lose if Trump’s budget were adopted. Talk about being played. Black Twitter had a field day with Mr. Brandyburg’s face though…because it’s the kind of face you make at some bullsh*t.

8. The Subject of White Mediocrity


See that girl in the first tweet?
She got famous because she disrespected her mom, went on the Dr. Phil show, and was more disrespectful there. And by disrespectful I mean she acted like a hood rat. Her famous phrase “cash me outside how ‘bout that?” is something you would hear in an inner city middle school. Now I’m not trying to talk down on this 13 year old, but she isn’t the first white person to become a meme and get rich off of it. Do y’all remember “Damn Daniel” or the teen named Alex who got attention because he was attractive and bagging groceries at a Target?

Target

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m just mad that the Black girl who coined the term “On fleek” did not get invited to the Ellen show like “Damn Daniel” did. I hear “On fleek” on the regular while “Damn Daniel” has died. Just the other day I got a haircut and was like “Hairline ON FLEEK, fade ON FLEEK!”

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